the future is uncertain, but the end is always near

Even though I am not personally experiencing the illness (es) that Gopi has been undergoing, in some way, since I have had a close proximity to the going ons, I feel like a veteran of sorts on the process of disease and death.
One thing I have realised is how helpless we are. We can hope for the best and be optimistic etc. but even the docs and everyone else can't say for certain what's going to happen.
The most powerful thing that one can do is pray and surround oneself with prayer and well wishes.
It has been a learning experience to see the fear and despair that disease brings to oneself and one's loved ones.
It is also good to resolve any unresolved issues/conflicts etc in case on has to make a quick exit...

Part 2

Yesterday, Gopi had the first of her last two radiations. She had a week break after the first 5 week session. The doctors moved up this session a week. They say she has responded favorably to the treatment so far.
So, yesterdays treatment was internal and more focussed on the tumor as opposed to the last five weeks which were external and over a general area. However, after the treatment Gopi was really tired and sore and has been so since. we have one more week and then another dose of the same thing.
As things look now, we are planning on returning to the US the end of the month. This will give Gopi a chance to rest and recuperate at her folks.

its been three days

Its been three days since Gopi finished her last treatment. One of the effects of the radiation to her abdominal area is that her skin has turned blackish and sore. some of the skin has peeled and she is in pain.
However, on the positive side, a bit of color has returned to her face. She is moving about a bit and her appetitie is a bit better than over the last few weeks - all good signs. The doc did an examination yesterday and says that there has been some improvement in her condition too.
The lastest is that her last two treatments may start next week.

end of part 1

Gopi finished the last of her radiations yesterday (5 weeks). what a relief! we are so glad that it is done and I must say that by the support and prayers of our wishers it went by quite quickly. She is still weak and tired, but the doctors say that things should improve now that the treatment is over. She has a two week break after which she will be re-examined and then she will be scheduled for two more radiations (focussed internally). This will be based on the results of the examination i.e. if the cancer has responded to the treatment.

measles and more

So, fortunately, the measles episode for the kids seems to be under control. The rash on their bodies have subsided (mostly) and they have recovered from the lethargy that accompanied the illness (they are back to driving Gopi and me nuts, but it's betetr having them this way than all spaced out). It seems like I have got a bit of the bug, too or it may be all the stress etc that has accumulated and I have been feeling really tired for the lst couple of days. feel better today, though.
Gopi's got two more radiation treatments left for this phase of her treatment. They have cancelled her last chemotherapy, which was due yesterday, because her blood count was too low. However, wea re kind of glad. The treatment has her knocked out. She was really faint today. She wanted to go for a walk down the hall but barely made it to the door. However, it is not constant after some rest she seemed a tad bit better.
We were visted by a dutch devotee named Jayananda today. He is really interesting - he has spent years on and off in India, but really likes the Udupi area. I met him here several months ago and he is back again.
There are two ayurvedic doctors in this area who are frequented by devotees (and others too) - Dr. Shiv Kumar (who has treated Varsana Swami, Niranjana Swami and others) and Dr. Tanmay Goswami (who was a gurukuli and is related to the Radha Raman family). Anyways, about 10 days before Gopi was in the hospital in April (for her chest surgery - they removed a part of the lining of her left lung) we had gone to see Dr. Tanmay Goswami. He does this thing where he looks at the astrological charts of his patients. Anyways, he saw Gopi's chart (at that time she was just having lung pains ) and said "wrong diagnosis"!!! Well, now we know...

as luck would have it

thanks once again to all the wonderful devotees who have been sending their prayers and well wishes Gopi's way. Your support for her (myself) and our family has been very important.

Prayer is like an invisible life line/net that stretches through time and space. It is comforting and I feel sheltered by it's (the prayers of our well wishers) warm embrace.

well, on a new front, just to add to the chaos, Gopala and Vrinda are now down with measles. Apparently, a college student a few doors down from Gopi's room was being treated for measles and I suspect that was the "source". Vrinda, in her super friendly extroverted way, is always making friends with people and she may have inadvertently played with the source. They are both getting some allopathic and ayurvedic meds. However, for now the two chumps have little rashes all over their bodies.

So, we have three patients in the room now - Gopi and the kids. The docs say that their condition should last for a few days.

Meanwhile, we are making sure that they stay away from Gopi. Gopi in the meantime is hanging in. She is now into her fifth week of treatment. Actually, there are three days of treatment left . After this there is a two week break and then two more individual treatments a week apart.

I am amazed that we have made it through four weeks already.

Thank you so much for your support, prayers and well wishes.

is no news good news?

First of all, sorry to bother you with the morbid stories, but they are a reflection of reality. So, peace...

Honestly, I would be bored reading seemingly the same stuff everyday. illness, pain, illness, pain, pain, illness...

What to do? Sorry.

Well, the docs got back to me yesterday about the biopsy report. Over the last week, I had been consiously and subconsciouly bracing myself for the worst news. At this point in time, I would rather be surprised with "good" news than be unprepared for "bad" news. However, I proceeded to the docs office with anticipation. Anyways, the word is that the biopsy was inconclusive since it was considered "inadequate", or rather they did not get adequate info. The doc mentioned that even though the biopsy was guided by an MRI, sometimes adequate tissue is not collected to determine accurately whether the tissue/organ is affected. So, in this case they can't say yes or no. The solution is to do another biopsy. Gopi is not into doing one right away since she is in pain and doing this biopsy requires fasting for about half a day from food and water and it knocks her out. So, we will wait another week before we do the biopsy again.

The thing is that even if the biopsy proves the doctors suspicions (based on the CT scan ) positive, there is nothing much they can do. It will just change her stage of cancer from 3b to 4b (sounds like algebra)

Gopi has finished her 4th week of chemo and radiation and has a couple of days off. This week has been the worst so far.

I gave her some probiotics and it may have caused her a rash. She broke out in hives all over her arms and legs yesterday. She is better today.

However, she still has diarhea and puked a couple of times this morning.

Hare Krishna!