monday blues

so, Gopi was a bit down today. She was feeling very emotional, a bit depressed and was still in pain (naturally). The weather may not be helping.... it has been raining almost continuously for the last couple of days (is this what it's like in Seattle). It is damp.
The doc said that her hemoglobin is low (they had already given her two pints of blood) and so now they will give her some injections to stimulate hemoglobin production.
Last evening, I took Vrinda with me to the local Venugopal Temple where the Manipal Hare Krishnas were having a Janmastami celebration. Bhakti Raghava Swami, who has a farm nearby) was giving class. The temple was so packed that we could not even get in. Kanai Thakur was there so we spent some time with him. The prasad was simple (rice, chick pea subji and two sweets - reminded me of a winter several years ago in NV when we didn't have much Laksmi and we had rice and chick pea subji for the sunday feast) but quite tasty.
Gopi and I were reflecting that last year this time we were in Shanghai, China celebrating Janmastami there.
Tomorrow (Sept 4th) the Iskcon devotees in Udupi are having their Janmastami celebration.
Oh yeah! Getting a lot of TV sangha, which is one of the unfortunate ways to pacify kids in a hospital room. However, the last couple of days they've had some really nice animated shows about the birth and pastimes of Sri Krishna -- yes, only in India...

day 5

Well, Gopi' been ill the last couple of days. She has been running a fever (at 103 this morning). she also threw up a bit this morning.
So, there will be no radiation today as well.
The doc says that they will start again on Monday (today is saturday). So, hopefully she will be a bit better? to continue the treatment.
She is quite weak and out of it for the most part, especially for the last couple of days.

day 4 - Gopi's treatment

So, they started the chemo, which is basically a drip that lasts about an hour or so, three days ago. That was in the morning. That afternoon they started her radiation. The radiation actually lasted for about 3 minutes.
The next day, Gopi was really drowsy for most of the day. The doc says that this was not because of the chemo or radiation, rather they had given her some sedatives to minimize the nauseating effects of the chemo. The radiation was repeated again in the afternoon.
Gopi was feeling some discomfort and some soreness on day 2 and day 3. On the night of day three (yesterday) she started to run a fever (about 100.2) and so they gave her some meds and antibiotics. She was feverish, a bit cold and was sweating. So, the docs decided that they would not do any radiation today (day 4) to give her a break.
In addition to the treatment Gopi has been taking some ayurvedic medicine - Maharishi (mahesh yogi on TM fame) Amrit Kalash - which is two products: a jelly/jam and pills- which some studies have shown to help fight cancer and improve general health, and some capsules called (believe it or not) Cruel, which have been used for improving immunity in cancer patients (the Cruel caps have gold powder, silver powder and other herbs etc).
Today, we were lucky that we got connected with some devotees (Kishan Das) who run a prasad distribution business here for the students. So, we got hooked up with some rice, dahl, subji and chaps. We are happy. The hospital provides Gopi's meals and they have been great. They adjust her diet according to her requests every day and a dietician visits her every day and asks her if she is happy with her meal and what she would like different etc.
The kids are a hit here, especially Vrinda, who is very extroverted and young. She has made friends with the nurses on our floor and they play with her (when not busy), she's made friends with students who come and visit her in Gopi's room . One of them bought Vrinda a Rakhi (band) to tie on Gopala. The day before was Rakhi where girls and women tie this thin cloth/string band on the hands of men that they consider their brother. The men/boys are in turn supposed to give the girls/women a gift and promise to protect them.
And there is the ice cream stand. The med school here is ranked about 6th in India. There are students here from about 20 or so different countries, and quite a few indian americans from the US. Anyways there is really nice (certainly for India) cafeteria, with a food court above it that we frequent. In the cafeteria there is an ice cream parlor and they are so taken in by the kids, especially since they know Gopi is ill, that they often give them (and me) free ice cream....

D day

So, today it all begins. Well, I'm referring to gopi's treatment. The docs took her in to do some examination and mark the area where they will perform the radiation. They marked a square below her belly - about 6 or so square inches where they will focus the radiation
It is supposed to go on for 5 weeks. The first day there will be a chemo drip for an hour followed by radiation, then four more days of radiation. For a total of 5 days a week followed by two days rest, then it repeats again likewise for 5 weeks. After that, a break for two weeks and then two days of internal radiation (through the vagina) once a week.
Hopefully, things will go well and she won't have too many adverse reactions - nausea, diarrhea, hair loss are just a few on them...

On having Indian blood

25 Aug 2007

indian.... So, after getting a couple of blood transfusions, presumably with "Indian blood" since we are in India, Gopi says I guess, I have Indian blood in me now...

Cure -

Cure ???

It seems like there is no cure only attempts to reduce the damage and hope for the best.

The docs say that with stage three cancer there is 65-70 % chance of cure and that to for only five year i.e before the cancer comes back etc. That means that 7 out of every 10 people who get chemo radiation at this stage will make it, but 3 out of 10 wont.

Then there is the whole issue of side affects etc from the radiation etc.
However, when you are playing against a stacked deck what choice do you have? You can only play your cards and hope for the best.

For the first time in my life I am forced to feel the presence of death's knock on the door regualarly. Sure, I've been in accidents and close encounters that have shaken me. But, here I am (and Gopi more than me) is forced to face the ultimate test looming near.

Ayurveda has no cure for cancer either. they only work on strengthening your immune system and assisting one's body to fight the disease. Well, if one has time then this is the best option, but with Gopi's case I don't know how much times we have. I would probably opt for trying to figth it using Ayurveda (I say probably because I am not really in the driver's seat here, Gopi is), but Gopi has to make her own decision. However, she will take some ayurvedic rejuvenatives to stregthen here during the treatment and if she gets through the chemo , maybe some ayurvedic treatment later on......

Gerneral info on cancer

General info on cancer

This is just some stuff that I am gleaning from talking to doctors and people who "know"

There is no real cure for cancer.

The treatments out there seem to be two - surgery or chemo-radiation

There are four stages in cancer, well five if you count CIS(???) which is like a precancer stage. Each stage has an (a) and (b)

The stages are graded according to progress and development of the cancer

In the first stage either surgery or chemo-radiation is suggested. surgery because with early detection they can cut out the infected part and try and prevent spread.

In the second and third stages chemo-radiation is recommended. It is too late for surgery because the tumor has started to grow and spread.

In stage four surgery is the only solution. Basically, butchering, chopping off infected parts etc....things have gone out of control

Cervical cancer

4 Aug 2007

Cervical cancer So, the cat's out...... Gopi has got cervical cancer. We are now in the phase of acceptance. They ran some tests today- a systoscopy - to see how far and where it may have spread. We should know by this evening or tomorrow what the damage is. Gopi is being brave and trying to take it all well. Apparently, cervical cancer is common in India. The doc told me that 6 out of 10 women with cancer have cervical cancer. Apparently, it is still high in India and reducing in the west because of early detection. So, the lesson to be learnt is all you women out there have your cervix checked!!! The doc says that it may have been developin over the last 10 years. Anyways, we are waiting on further info...

Second round (or is it the third)

Second round (or is it the third)

I have often heard the phrase that when it rains it pours. Now, living in Udupi is certainly an example of that with its almost incessant monsoon rains etc. However, on a personal side, I have been experiencing just that. Well, to be honest, Gopi's been experiencing it and I have been along for the ride.
Essentially, Gopi has been ill since mid Febuary 2007. Rather, she has had a series of illnesses since then. First, the foot, then the lungs (TB), then the surgery. Somehow, I've had a feeling that it's not over.
Then last week ( a week ago from today), I was in Chennai trying to get my passport renewed so that I could work on getting Gopi and the kids visas updated etc. and I get a call from Gopi saying that she was experiencing serious pain in her pelvic region and was losing blood.( She had been having a urinary problem for the last month. We saw a couple of Ayurvedic docs apart from the allopathic doctors who were treating her for her lung issues.) So, she went in to the hospital for a check up and to have some tests done. That was last monday. By friday, I get a call from Gopal (I think this is the first time he's used the phone by himself) saying that his Mom was seriously ill. Luckily for us, there were two south African devotees (Mayapur Chandra and his wife Suvarna Manjari - really wonderful, delightful devotees) who we had befriended over the last few weeks, who stopped by to check on Gopi.
Anyways, the word from them and Gopal was that Gopi was losing a lot of blood (from her vagina) that she had thrown up a couple of times and that she had lost consciousness (fainted) a couple of times too. They rushed her in an ambulance to the KMC hospital, where she was treated earlier. I was still in Chennai trying to convince the local honchos to release my passport (as things would be there was date problem on my passport of 10 years -- my DOB siad 15th instead of the 5th).
Well, anyways, Gopi was admitted to the hospital and yesterday thet gave her some blood because she had lost a lot and her haemoglobin was low.
The docs say that all signs are indicating that she has a malignant growth on her cervix. We won't have the results from the tests for the next few days - to know for sure if it is malignant or benign.
I would be lying to say fear has not crept into my heart and mind. When she had her lung problems in the last few months, obviously I was concerned, but this time I am worried serious. I have faith that Sri Krishna has his plan, and from a philsophical perspective I am trying to be sober and unaffected. But as good old Jim Morrison once said - the future's uncertain and the end is always near.....


So , dear friends, please keep Gopi in your prayers and wish for her (and us - the kids and me) that the storm will pass...

How to know if you're doing well (i.e healthy)

08 Aug 2007

how to know if you are doing well (i.e healthy) Well, actually, to know if you are ill (or not in the best health condition verging towards illness) which is a state called apakva (uncooked) here are a few pointers. In Ayurveda, when one's digestion is not functioning well (i.e you are pooping everyday) it is considered that one's digestive fire is low and therefore not digesting the food. The resultant state is calle Aama, which is undigested food, which in turn ends up accumulating in the body and being toxic. Aama is called considered uncooked, useless, etc Well here are some symptoms of ama. 1) tongue is coated (i.e even after cleaning/ scraping one's tongue there is still a whitish coating on it) 2) stool is smelly (well more than the usual smell, i.e as if something died in your intestines) 3) stool is sticky 4) stool does not float (good shit should float not sink. Also good poop should be cylindrical) 5) Bad body odour 6) Bad breath will add a few more next time

Panchakarma

12 Jul 2007

Panchakarma therapy So, last week or so, I enrolled in the Panchakarma therapist program at the Kasturba Medical Hospital. This is a one year program that trains one to work with an Ayurvedic doctor to treat patients. In other words, the doc diagnoses etc and the therapist is the hands on..... The first week has been for observing. We are in the room watching while a trained therapist performs/works on the patients. So far, it has been very interesting. I have observed simple full body massages, head massages, shirodhara -which is a process where oil or buttermilk is dripped onto the patients fore head for an hour (this is actually incredibly relaxing), rakta mokshana- where leeches are used to suck out impure blood from a patient, svedana - where steam is used to induce sweating either locally or full body, netra tarpana - where medicated ghee is held in place over the eyes while the patient opens and closes the eyes ( to improve eyesight or to just relax the eyes)and last but not the least the grand champ of panchakarma - basti - where medicated oil or teas are induced in through the anus ( a glorified enema). Well, believe it or not apparently 50% of ayurvedic treatments are based on basti, or rather it is said that 50% of diseases can be cured with basti. There is a different basti for different patients... anyways. Well, so much for whats stored in one's guts. Got to get the crap out, out , out.

Cheek Pinching

19 Jun 2007

cheek pinching Ok! I know it is not pinching someones butt, but Indians (do others do this?), or should I say some people in India, have this really annoying habit of pinching kids cheeks. Well, my experience has been mostly with regards to Vrinda. There are two kinds of people who fall in this category (1) absolute strangers and (2) people that we are familiar with. (1) Many a time, we may be walking down the road or squeezing past someone at a store etc and a person would reach out and pinch Vrinda's cheeks. An absolute stranger! the nerve. At first, it used to irk the heck out of me and I would think of reaching out and pinching that person's cheek. (I mean is a child just some object that someone can express their appreciation of cuteness on?)My blood would boil and I would do my best to just calmly react to the situation. Some time later that day or the next the same situation ensues again - another stranger! I would have to go about picnching a nation of cheek pinchers to teach them how to behave. So, I have got into the habit of being vigilant to grab Vrinda out of the way when my cheek piching sensors go up and I sense one of them coming along. I have also taught Vrinda to put her hands over her cheeks defensively. (2) the other category is persons who we are familiar with doing the cheek pinching. Usually waiters at restaurants that we frequent. sure these are nice guys , who we are friendly with etc. still it irks me. Well, less than when strangers do it. I still try to pull her out of the way or try and stop the pinchers hand. Nasty habit.

Bananas

bananas

Life in small town, small city India is still quite charming. Sure, there is the thrash lying around, the smell of stool in the air, cows wandering about etc. But, the charm is in the still slow speed of life. People still have time for each other. Another thing that could be a draw back is that you recognise people - be it the lady selling vegetables at the street corner, the guy selling trinkets and hair clips that Vrinda wants to check out every time we walk by, the man selling pan (that he preparing at the street side), the fruit vendor and the pan handlers. Right across from where we are staying is a little dive that serves decent dosas etc. However, every morning right around 10 or so a band of kids, and some ladies carrying babies, attack vulnerable passer bys. They know who to go for. I am not in the habit of giving cash to kids - so I made it a point to buy them some fruit. These kids aren't starving because the temple which is about 50 meters away serves simple south indian fare to anyone, everyday. So, instead of change, bananas it is .

Caste ism

11 Jun 2007

caste ism The caste system is pretty strong here in Udupi. It is clearly viewed when it comes time to chow down, take prasad. There are separate areas where the brahmins and the rest eat. however, they serve two free meals to everyone - regular south Indian fare - rice, rasam, sambar and buttermilk, with a smitten of subji if you are lucky. Interestingly though, the brahmins serve everyone. I met an interesting brahmin here who says that he does not eat out at all and eats only at the temple and with brahmins (other than at home)

Still in Udupi

still in Udupi

Been hanging out in Udupi for the last few weeks. Staying at the guest house of the "Puthige Mutt", one of the 8 mutts (branches/temples) of the Sri Krishna Mutt started by Sripad Madhvacharya.
Well, been doing nothing really. Well, eating and the rest ... irregualr visits to the three local temples - Sri Chrandramouleshwar, Sri Anantheshwar and Sri Krishna- which are adjacent to each other.
Gopi's health has been improving slowly. The kids have been great. Naturally (is it natural?) we have some trying moments because we spend all our time together.
Really appreciate of this nice devotee Shirmani dasi, a local medical student at Kasturba Medical College (KMC). Her friendship has been inspiring to Gopi, the kids and me.
Met Manu Suta Das, a disciple of Srila Prabhupada, a couple of times at woodlands, our local eating haunt. Nice food. Manu is a cool dude- he takes care of the Varavan farm, which we haven't visited yet.
Met Tejiyas Das, another Prabhupada disciple, old Delhi pres -from the 70's, and a resident of Udupi for the last few years.
Otherwise, it seems like we are waiting .....
oh ! spent some time with Prem Niddhi, a resident of the Bhaktivedanta eco village, the other day. Actually ran into him at "woodlands" a couple of times.
Thinking of staying here for an extended period....went looking for apartments etc for the last couple of days. saw one I liked, but someone else got it. I guess, it had to be.