the final stretch...?

so, we got the results of Gopi's scan a few days ago. The word is that the pill (Tarceva) that she was on for the last couple of months has not worked. Contrary, to what was understood based on the xrays, the more comprehensice CT scan revealed that the cancer has continued to grow in her left lung, has moved into her right lung, lymps and adrenals.So, the doctors have stopped her treatment. They think that she has about a month.

a day at a time

Gopilila's health has been fairly steady. She has her days of intense pain, where she is so extremely uncomfortable inspite of the pain killers. Somedays are quite nice, where for most of the day the pain seems "comfortable". However, in the last couple of weeks, she has noticed that there is a lump (in the lymph node) under her left chin; she has also a small lump on her breast. She was really week and her blood count was low. So, she went into the hospital for a couple of pints of blood last saturday. A couple of days ago she had a CT scan done to figure out the "new" lumps. We see her doctor on 4/24 so we'll have more news then (including the results of the CT)
This nice devotee from the Boston temple, Radha Grace, came by the last two weeks with her massage table and gave Gopilila a massage. The Boston Temple president, Daru Krishna, and his family have been coming over once a week with prasad along with another devotee family. The devotees in the Boston sangha have been reaching out to us and offering assistance, even though we barely know them.
We connected again with Angie/Analakshita and Mohan and got to spend some time with them over the last couple of weeks, too. Gopala was especially happy to see Mohan his buddy from his New Vrindavan days.

the show must go on

Hope that you all are well...
Gopilila's health has shown no improvement. However, according to the latest xray, things (the cancer) has slowed down. So, this may be the result of the new medication (Tarceva) that she has been on, or the cumulative effect of the various therapies that she has been undergoing.
Last week she had a cold and cough, but fortunately that seems under control (the mercy of antibiotics). However, her pain levels over the last couple of days seems to be worse. In my unscientific way, I gauge her condition based on how much pain she is in - less pain, things are ok; more pain, things are getting worse (though this could just be that her body has acclimatized to the pain killers and she needs a higher dosage). Anyways, a little flag kind of goes up when she cringes in pain and she has been doing that a bit more than usual of late. She also seems to have a few more emotional breakdowns (though not everyday/regularly) and so today we have an appointment with a Psycho - oncologist (http://www.massgeneral.org/cancer/locator/search_clinician.asp?id=348) . I think that it will be good for her. She saw a psycho- oncologist when she was receiving treatment in India as well and it seemed to help her.
Yesterday, we went to see a traditional tibetan doctor, Dr. Bhutti, http://www.tibetanherbalmedicine.com/. She was really nice. Let's see...

Shanti Shanti Shanti!

keeping on

So, things have been quiet, relatively, at this end. Gopilila's health has not really improved; it has been pretty much the same- bouts of pain once in a while, tiredness and fatigue. at least, she does not seem to be nauseated lately. She has been blessed with visits of Rasa, Asta Sakhi and Rukhmavati, and Krishna Balaman with his parents KM and KB. Devotee visits and calls have been encouraging.
She has been getting different kinds of medicines and healing - some qi gong, acupuncture and Tui Na, tongren (which is like medical faith healing http://www.yinyanghouse.com/tongren/tamhealing_tongren_introduction )
and energy healing. She seems to be appreciating these different healings and treatments and they have had a positive effect on us.
A little bit of this and a little bit of that.

the existentialist

So, earlier this week we met with Gopilila's new doctor - Dr Richard Penson (http://www.massgeneral.org/cancer/care/adult/gyn/team_clinician.asp?id=192/) - a really easy going, friendly person and very straightforward. He told us that Gopilila's condition was erally beyond cure. However, he put her on this pill called "Tarceva" that has been used in similar conditions of metastasis - from female abdominal cancer to the lungs, but not specifically from cervical cancer to the lungs. He said that as things stand she had a few months at the most, but if the new drug worked for her it could potentially give her a few more months. Side effects of Tarceva are diarrhea, acne/rash on the face, some nausea ... Considering that we don't really have many choices, we readily accepted what he had to offer. She started taking the pill a few days ago.
In the meantime, she has also had a couple of rounds of acupuncture and a friend of a friend of Manjari Lila's came over yesterday and gave her some Reiki.
We had a wonderful visit from Malati Prabhu a few days ago and some devotees from the Boston temple stopped by for a visit too.

Meeting with the doc

Yesterday, Gopilila and I met with her oncologist, Dr. Arlan Fuller (http://www.dfhcc.harvard.edu/membership/member-profile/member/688/0/) . He felt that there is no current treatment protocols that can address Gopilila's condition. He suggested stopping the chemo (because her cancer had grown through the first two rounds of chemo) and he did not suggest raditation. He felt that any intervention would cause more harm than good (she may lose the little reasonable health that she has). He felt that she had a few months left.... at the most.
We asked him about any experimental treatments that might be available. He referred us to his colleague, who we hope to meet next week, to see if she can qualify for a clinical trial on a biological agent (some kind of pill) that is being experimented on.

out of the hospital

Gopilila got out of the hospital yesterday. She was glad to get back home and so were the kids and I. It snowed last night and she was out there playing in the snow and making a big snow ball. Today she played in the snow with Gopala and Vrinda. We are trying to appreciate her company and make the time we have together meaningful.
There seems to be an underlying sadness to everything that we are doing now - for Gopilila's folks and myself. I find myself getting edgy and more irritable than usual.
Gopi looks much better than when she went to the hospital. Then again, six pints of blood should make just about anyone look better.
The folks from the hospice came by today to give us some info about what they have to offer. according to the nurse, hospice services are usually offered to those who have six months or less left.
Seeing Gopilila's progressive illness makes me remember Kunti Prabhu's return to New Vrindavan and how she left so gloriously. It was quite magically. She was so immersed in Krishna consciousness. I am realizing that while getting entrance into Sri Krishna's pastimes is our goal, it is certainly not an easy feat.