All those years of hearing about and seeing dramas on "liquid beauty". I never thought that I would be a first hand witness....
I mean in theory it sounds real, but I always thought it was a "cute" metaphor/story, which woman (or man ) would really want to do that. However, sometimes things happen that we don't want to. Nothing like radiation therapy, puking and diarhea to release liquid beauty. It is not the conscious ingestion of laxatives and purgatives, but the effect, though, is somehow the same...
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
skin and bones
Gopi was ill yesterday, but we were lucky that we had some nice visitors. Manu Suta Prabhu, who manages a farm at Varahavan (the appearance place of Lord Varaha ??), stopped by for awhile. He is a really nice devotee and we always enjoy his association. He got Gopi a bunch of Noni pills (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noni) from Dr. Alva's pharmacy in Moodbidri a town not too far from here.
Later in the day Tejiyas Prabhu stopped by for a visit. It was refreshing to have the association of two senior Prabhupada disciples.
We are still waiting to hear from the docs about the biopsy report (liver). Gopi's wbc count is low and so the chemo was postponed for tomorrow. Instead they gave her a shot to boost her wbc count.
Gopi is all skin and bones. Today I had a realisation about the Bhagavatam speaking that this body is a bag comprising of the three dhatus - kunape tri dhatuke (?).
Later in the day Tejiyas Prabhu stopped by for a visit. It was refreshing to have the association of two senior Prabhupada disciples.
We are still waiting to hear from the docs about the biopsy report (liver). Gopi's wbc count is low and so the chemo was postponed for tomorrow. Instead they gave her a shot to boost her wbc count.
Gopi is all skin and bones. Today I had a realisation about the Bhagavatam speaking that this body is a bag comprising of the three dhatus - kunape tri dhatuke (?).
Monday, September 17, 2007
week 4
so, today the fourth week of treatment has begun.
Gopi has been ill for the last two days. She had to keep going to the bathroom yesterday and since this morning she has had diarhea. she was in such pain and agony.
I got her some ayurvedic meds from a doctor who I heard of threw the grapevine. He prescribed some meds for her to stimulate her liver and remove some of the toxins of the treatment. Every time she takes this ayurvedic medicine (which has been twice) she throws up within half an hour or so. So, we decided that she won't take it today. Interestingly, the chief component of the medicine is cumin!!
according to ayurveda, the best medicine is gold- purified gold called "suvarna bhasma", which serves as a rasayana or rejuvenative.
Gopi has been ill for the last two days. She had to keep going to the bathroom yesterday and since this morning she has had diarhea. she was in such pain and agony.
I got her some ayurvedic meds from a doctor who I heard of threw the grapevine. He prescribed some meds for her to stimulate her liver and remove some of the toxins of the treatment. Every time she takes this ayurvedic medicine (which has been twice) she throws up within half an hour or so. So, we decided that she won't take it today. Interestingly, the chief component of the medicine is cumin!!
according to ayurveda, the best medicine is gold- purified gold called "suvarna bhasma", which serves as a rasayana or rejuvenative.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
one day at a time
Gopi illness has made me appreciate prayer more and more.
We don't have regular devotee association, but we feel blessed that so many wonderful devotees are offering their prayers on her behalf. We feel blessed and Gopi is especially touched that devotees care for her. Unfortunately, in our busy worlds, we sometimes don't take the time or we feel inhibited from offering our love and appreciation for one another. However, Gopi's illness has made me see the soft heartedness of devotees and their care and compassion for one another, at least in times of distress. We are most grateful...
Many nice devotees have shared their experiences with cancer and their attempts and efforts to fight this disease. It has been so helpful. The most helpful part, to me, apart from the healing strategies, is to know that there are a lot of "survivors" out there (using varied methods of treatment). What it has made apparent to me is that, try what one may, ultimately it is the plan of the Lord whether one will live a few more days, months or years. One can only do one's best to fight...
Gopi's health is so unstable. One day she seems a bit better, the next she is miserable. Yesterday, again, she was running a fever and shivering. This morning she threw up bile, the first time during her three weeks of treatment. Yes, she has finished three weeks and we have two to go. The docs say that it is expected (the vomiting) during this kind of treatment. But, I keep wondering if it is not her liver. We are still waiting on the results of the biopsy.
The words of encouragement and support of the devotees have been so wonderful. I offer you my pranams and gratitude
We don't have regular devotee association, but we feel blessed that so many wonderful devotees are offering their prayers on her behalf. We feel blessed and Gopi is especially touched that devotees care for her. Unfortunately, in our busy worlds, we sometimes don't take the time or we feel inhibited from offering our love and appreciation for one another. However, Gopi's illness has made me see the soft heartedness of devotees and their care and compassion for one another, at least in times of distress. We are most grateful...
Many nice devotees have shared their experiences with cancer and their attempts and efforts to fight this disease. It has been so helpful. The most helpful part, to me, apart from the healing strategies, is to know that there are a lot of "survivors" out there (using varied methods of treatment). What it has made apparent to me is that, try what one may, ultimately it is the plan of the Lord whether one will live a few more days, months or years. One can only do one's best to fight...
Gopi's health is so unstable. One day she seems a bit better, the next she is miserable. Yesterday, again, she was running a fever and shivering. This morning she threw up bile, the first time during her three weeks of treatment. Yes, she has finished three weeks and we have two to go. The docs say that it is expected (the vomiting) during this kind of treatment. But, I keep wondering if it is not her liver. We are still waiting on the results of the biopsy.
The words of encouragement and support of the devotees have been so wonderful. I offer you my pranams and gratitude
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Govinda Jaya Jaya!
Gopi was in pain again today. She was on a couple of drips - a B12, etc and then the Chemo drip. However, she was almost freaking a bit - she was shivering and her body was quivering and she was running a fever.
However, they gave her some meds to bring the fever down and then the Chemo. By the end of the day she was more relaxed etc.
Govinda Prabhu from Chowpatty visited this evening along with Dayal Chandra Prabhu, his son and another devotee named Karunakaran. It was really nice to see them, especially for Gopi. The association of devotees is so cooling. Especially Govinda, who we know over the last few years. We last saw him in Columbus, OH about a couple of years ago when he stopped by with a couple of devotees for Prasad. Govinda leads very sweet Bhajans, though we didn't chant any this time.
However, they gave her some meds to bring the fever down and then the Chemo. By the end of the day she was more relaxed etc.
Govinda Prabhu from Chowpatty visited this evening along with Dayal Chandra Prabhu, his son and another devotee named Karunakaran. It was really nice to see them, especially for Gopi. The association of devotees is so cooling. Especially Govinda, who we know over the last few years. We last saw him in Columbus, OH about a couple of years ago when he stopped by with a couple of devotees for Prasad. Govinda leads very sweet Bhajans, though we didn't chant any this time.
Monday, September 10, 2007
getting inspiration
So, Suvarna Manjari gave Bhakti Tirtha swami's book-Beggar : Die before dying - to Gopi. Suvarna and her husband, whom we met here in Udupi for the first time ( if there is really such a thing, in eternity that is) helped Gopi get to the hospital - really nice couple. They didn't know she had cancer because the diagnosis was not out before the left India, but incidently the book has a lot to do with living (and dying ) with cancer.
Some thoughts (from the book) that Gopi talks about are learning to love the cancer...
Gopala started reading a bit of the book. The first thing that he gleaned from the book was that we are all "dead men walking" . Gopala says that he understood that we are all dying from the moment that we are born.
Yesterday, Gopala read about being grateful for the good health that we had in the past...
Some thoughts (from the book) that Gopi talks about are learning to love the cancer...
Gopala started reading a bit of the book. The first thing that he gleaned from the book was that we are all "dead men walking" . Gopala says that he understood that we are all dying from the moment that we are born.
Yesterday, Gopala read about being grateful for the good health that we had in the past...
Cat and mouse
Dr. Vidya sagar (ocean of knowledge) the head of the oncology dept was in to see Gopi this morning. He mentioned to her that she will need to have a biopsy done tomorrow to check some things in her liver. So, while she doesn't know what he suspects, she is aware that they think there may be something up with her liver. Well, we can't really have a biopsy done on her liver without her knowing it. The biopsy involves sticking a needle into her liver to extract some on the suspected tissue. Gopi hates needles, fears them. So, her main concern is whether it will hurt and the doctor told her that there would be some local anesthesia used.
One time, in jest , she mentioned how she would be a bad junkie because she feared needles. I remember when I was about 8 I had pneumonia and I used to get a shot in my ass every day for a month or so. I didn' tmind it too much, back them at least.
Gopi was in a lot of pain again today. She has no appetite and I have to literally fight with her to coerce her to eat.
Sometimes, I wish they would give her some natural narcotics or opiates for her pain - opium or hashish or something. I mean it's not like these pain killers are any better, with their side effects and all. At least the hash would make her want to eat - give her the munchies... But, then I am not a doctor and the pharmaceutical companies rule the world.
One time, in jest , she mentioned how she would be a bad junkie because she feared needles. I remember when I was about 8 I had pneumonia and I used to get a shot in my ass every day for a month or so. I didn' tmind it too much, back them at least.
Gopi was in a lot of pain again today. She has no appetite and I have to literally fight with her to coerce her to eat.
Sometimes, I wish they would give her some natural narcotics or opiates for her pain - opium or hashish or something. I mean it's not like these pain killers are any better, with their side effects and all. At least the hash would make her want to eat - give her the munchies... But, then I am not a doctor and the pharmaceutical companies rule the world.
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